My sincere apologies for not writing sooner. There are no legitimate excuses for me not writing lately.. other than the rain and my laziness. However, that means that I will have a lot to say in this post.
First, I am going to start by the rough morning that kicked my day off today. I woke up with an email of a response to one of my postings on my blog, from a person who does not seem happy with my opinions and experiences. The only thing that I have to say is, I am sorry for leading to the generalization of ‘Africa’ to one country...I know that there are many countries that make up the continent. I refer to Africans a lot, and Africa a lot... when I should be referring to South Africa and South Africans. However, this judgmental person that left me a rude comment in implying that he/she is not happy with my opinions and experiences in SOUTH AFRICA. I have nothing that I feel is necessary to explain to this person other than: if you don’t like my writing, my viewpoints and experiences, then don’t follow along and read my blog. That’s the only thing I can offer, because I am going to continue to write, and express MY opinions and experiences. I am a person from a different country... different world. Trying to live life, work and experience culture here..on my own. I have not meant to offend anyone intentionally, and I would never...my parents have raised me better than that.
Second... I also woke up to a lot of messages from my mom, implying that something was very wrong. I got out of the shower and she was already calling me on Skype. So...even as annoyed as I was to be greeted in the morning with such presence, I answered because I knew something wasn’t right. My mom informed me that a very close family friend, mentor, teacher, and most importantly... family member, had passed away. Completely shocked and unexpected, and still in a towel... I don’t think I was awake enough to process this kind of news. My mom told me to just go out and do what I do today, and let it sink in later.... Well, I tried to do just that. But how do I put something so serious, on the back burner for an entire day? I still can’t believe how shocked I am. On the bus this morning, I was attempting to register what had all happened... and how I am going to cope with all of this? How do I register that this person is gone?
This person that helped me through some of the toughest times in my teenage years.
This person that never once judged me for my struggles and taught me how to live in the moment.
This person that sacrificed her free time after school to stay with me when I needed someone to understand, listen, and cry to.
This person is now gone.
And I’m thousands of miles away.
I’m typically the person that holds everything in until my ‘breaking’ point... but I can’t do that here. When I’m half way around the world, and my family isn’t here to comfort me when it happens. So I have to force myself to talk. Tell someone what’s bothering me. However, I’m unsure of how I’m going to tackle that.
Alright. Now to tackle everything that has happened in the past week-ish.
-Last Thursday-
I had an amazing day at work. We have been planning the foster children’s “Holiday Program” (they are on a 3 week holiday break from school). We also got a new intern. His name is Professor, and he is from Zimbabwe just like Lindi. He also never fails to amaze me. (will talk more about them later).
Thursday night, my friends and I decided to go out to this bar called “boogie.” Boogie is an 80’s kinda bar. It was a very very fun night.... but “boogie” got the best of most of us.
-Friday Morning-
I woke up in my bed... utterly confused as to where I was (I was sleeping on the wrong side of my bed) and probably still a little bit tipsy. Once I thought I new where I was, I rolled over, put my arm around and cuddled right up to a sleeping body. My sudden realization that this person is NOT Chris, and I am NOT at home in the states, shot me like a ton of bricks... I flipped over, pulled the blanket back.. and found sweet little Caitlyn snuggled way underneath the covers. What a relief! For those of you that don’t know... Caitlyn lives in the same house as me... and it’s winter here.. COLD at night. and no heater. So we use body heat when it’s really cold. Marissa, Caitlyn and myself usually all snuggle in my bed. I sighed, and my hangover hit me like a wet slap in the face. Yep. Back to bed I go.
--Weekend--
Well, the rest of the weekend was pretty chill. It was raining and cold most days, so we went exploring and adventuring around Cape Town. Visited some museums, aquariums, and ate a lot of food.. and no more alcohol cause boogie got the best of my booty.
-Monday and Tuesday-
Monday,I slept the entire bus ride to work. I was exhausted for reason I am still unsure of. At work, the ladies greeted me like usual... and we had meetings ALL DAY. Not that that’s a bad thing. We are planning for a very big week that’s coming up. Professor, Lindi and myself had many discussions about work, religion (my most hated subject up until this point), and life.
Patrick picked me up on Monday and I said I would like to get my hair done after work. He offered to take me to drop me off at the hair place, which he did. Such a nice man :) However, it took three and a half hours.... and the salon stayed open 2 hours later just for me. The people were unbelievable. Again, completely treated like family. They wanted to get to know me, and when I told them I work in Khayelitsha doing therapy/social work for foster homes and the terminally ill... their jaws all hit the floor. The three of them, Zacharia..the owner, his mother.. and the lady finishing up my hair, were all in disbelief of what I said. They are all from the Congo and all three of them said they are afraid to go into the townships and that I must be a blessed young lady because I am capable of doing that. I paid for my hair, and asked about paying for the spray I had to buy (for my ohhhh so sore scalp!).. and Zacharia gave it to me as a present and then offered to drive me home, and I accepted. Sometimes I don’t know how to handle being treated so well by people I didn’t even know.
Tuesday I walked into work, and the ladies we in complete shock to see my new hair... “Buppah, you look soooooooo beautiful, you are now one of us... you can never go back home now you know...” We all laughed.. and continued on with our mornings. More planning and organizing for next week when the children come. Plan. Plan. Plan. Lindi put Professor and I in charge of organizing the days and activities for the children.. which is actually a lot of work. Because neither one of us speaks Xhosa... (Professor understands, but he’s from Zim remember).
Organizing and strategic planning is a bit of a struggle with the ladies at work. There’s a lot of miss communication sometimes, so it takes a while to get set in stone. Professor and I worked so hard together, and got so many good ideas planned right away. After that moment, Lindi looked at me differently... like, with a little more respect in a sense. While we were walking back to the office, she says to me “Haley... I am going to miss you when you go home to the states, I will probably cry. On your last day, I won’t say goodbye because that makes it real. I’m just going to shoo you out the door.”
-Today-
I wasn’t sure how this day was going to go.... after everything that had already happened in the morning... the day was already discombobulated. I got to work, and received my hugs and love.. and felt comforted. Professor and I were already given an assignment and had to finish up our planning for the children’s holiday program. We managed to finish at 11am, and then had time. Time to do a whole lotta nothin’. Lindi and another lady from work had to go out into the community to personally deliver invites to the holiday program, so Professor and I... well... We got a little bored. My mind started to go crazy... thinking about Judy.. thinking about Bill. Their family. How awful this situation is. Thinking about my mom and sister, and how they are handling this tragic loss. I felt my eyes start to welt up, and I started to panic. I started to think... “Oh my god. I can’t cry... don’t cry. Haley...You don’t cry. Think of something else... anything else...Oh god Judy. Please give me a sign and let me know that you’re at peace up there...” So- I walked outside with my camera to take pictures of the beautiful gardens and flowers outside of my work. I captured a beautiful picture of a flower. Immediately my mind went “Judy. Pictures. Flowers. She loves flowers.” Again... I started to get choked up. I walked up the stairs and Professor was walking out.
I think he realized that something wasn’t right with me, and we started walking.... walking with no place in mind, in a community that neither one of us is familiar with. Walking and communicating with very little words. We heard the sounds of children playing around the corner at the park. We walked into the park... I sat on the bench, and Professor hopped right onto the merry-go-round. The kids literally flocked over once he sat down, and wanted to be pushed... they wanted to play with us. It was like a dream. So much fun. I suddenly wasn’t feeling anxious, sad or overwhelmed with all my thoughts, there was no weight on me. I felt like I was floating on air. There was a young boy... eating an orange, and sharing with all of the other kids. The kids were crawling all over us and just wanted to play. We played. Like I was 5 years old again. Running around the park... spinning on the merry-go-round. Laughing. The kids were playing with my hair... holding my hands. We couldn’t speak to each other because of the language.. but we needed no words. The sun peaked it’s head out of the monsoon clouds that have been terrorizing us the past couple days. I was in a dream. I had to be. Judy. Thank you for letting me know your at peace. Thank you.
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